Actually, there's no purpose of me writing today. I was supposed to read Prosthodontics as the exam will be on Wednesday but it seems like I don't step on the right mood to face those books. *sigh*
There are several things that ruins my peaceful state of mind. Don't know how to get rid of them. *sigh again*
But, thinking of how far I've been through this torture of stu-DIE-ing, it's been a while since I have a reason to put a goal to the game. I had it once during my SPM, and I achieved it even though it was bloody hard. But, since then, I had no idea why I stopped working hard. The same goes when I was in matriculation. Although I have a quite big, rigid reason why I should put 4 Flat in my pocket, then again, I made it fell into the trash can, rather than my own pocket.
Then I came here. Still the same did happen. I know I'm a person who lacks motivation in studying. It's not hard to change, but my heart didn't allow me to. It's freaking ironic, but I myself hated the lack-of-motivation-and-enjoyable ME. I actually hate looking at those paranoid students who had no live to spend on but studying. "They should open their mind to another things too! There're so many important things you should take care of rather than just make love with those books!" *Ehem, pardon my retard brain*
Then again, I didn't play too much, yet didn't study like dying too. I love to play safe. BUT, I know that's a dangerous thing to do. You'll never know when the hurricanes will come, you'll never know when the earthquakes will strike. I too, would love to play with something dangerous and risky.
Until one day, someone did successfully hit my comfort zone. That one really did toss my calm side. That person really put thunders and storms inside my brain. The one that can shake my ego. Wait, since when did I have the ego? Yes, since I met that person I learned that I too have the ego in myself. That person too made my head spinning and my heart to ponder. It makes me realize that there's such a person who would make my world upside down actually exists. The person that makes me FINALLY revived the soul of studying that have been kept frozen in the depth of the ocean of my heart.
And then, why did only this person? Why did not another people can do this? Why this freaking person? *sigh*
To that person, you dare to pull the soul out, but don't you dare to play with it and turn it down again. It's hard for me to deal with this itchy feeling that makes me want to pull the nerve out when facing exams (which I usually never felt nervous in any exams before). And I dare you to put up with my calmness. I might kill you with my silence.
Okay, done writing. Now let's give this book some 'lessons'. Heh.
Kimmy Ai is currently listening to : Someday I Will Understand - Britney Spears